I had a baby last week. She was small and innocent, but God's breath
of life had been taken out of her. She was already home with our
Heavenly Father, even before I got to meet her.
We named her Anna Vi.
I will miss her in so many ways. I will miss getting to feel her kick and grow inside of me. I will miss getting to see what color hair and eyes she had. I will miss getting to see what type of personality God blessed her with. I will miss getting to see the man she would have fallen in love with and gaining him as another son in our family. I will miss getting to see her as a mother. I will miss getting to have her as a friend.
But with all this sadness and earthly loss, I am also happy for my daughter. I am so happy that she is already face to face with the King of Kings. I am happy that she has been adopted by the Father of fathers. I am happy that she gets to miss out on the things her earthly parents would have done wrong. I am happy that she gets to miss out on the trials and pain of this world.
I thank the Lord that He has now blessed me with the ability to understand and comfort so many women who have lost little babies of their own. I thank Him that He saw Anna's unformed body and that her days were ordained for her and written in God's book even before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:16)
Most of all, I thank the Lord for His wonderful peace that passes understanding- such a "church-y" phrase that has come to mean so much to me.
Friday, October 19, 2012
"Walking In the Light"
As I was on my way out of The Home Depot today, a man working there said the strangest words to me. He said, "You are walking in the light." I stepped towards him and said, "Excuse me?" With a smile the man repeated, "You are walking in the light."
What does this even mean!? How can this man even know that I'm a Christian? I had barely spoken to him earlier as I explained that I didn't need any help as another man had already pointed me in the direction I needed to go... and then as I passed him again on my way out the door he makes the strange comment.... I didn't know what to think.
But it's true. And that's what amazes me.
Lately my desire has no longer been to be a good person. My desire has not been to be a good wife or even good mother. I cannot do any of these things in my own power. I am just as human and just as flawed as everybody else in this world.
My desire is to know Jesus Christ. My desire is to have His will revealed to me and to live out the life He has planned for me. My desire is to know and love Christ with all of my heart, soul, and strength; enough so that I cannot tell His will from my own- that we operate as one.
Everyday now I engage in a personal one on one Bible study with my Lord. It is amazing the things He is revealing to me. Everyday I get to talk to Him makes me long to know Him more. I pray that He will lead my life and that He will give me just as much wisdom and discernment that I need to follow Him.
It was nice having a stranger notice something today that I have fervently been trying to do:
Walk in the light.
What does this even mean!? How can this man even know that I'm a Christian? I had barely spoken to him earlier as I explained that I didn't need any help as another man had already pointed me in the direction I needed to go... and then as I passed him again on my way out the door he makes the strange comment.... I didn't know what to think.
But it's true. And that's what amazes me.
Lately my desire has no longer been to be a good person. My desire has not been to be a good wife or even good mother. I cannot do any of these things in my own power. I am just as human and just as flawed as everybody else in this world.
My desire is to know Jesus Christ. My desire is to have His will revealed to me and to live out the life He has planned for me. My desire is to know and love Christ with all of my heart, soul, and strength; enough so that I cannot tell His will from my own- that we operate as one.
Everyday now I engage in a personal one on one Bible study with my Lord. It is amazing the things He is revealing to me. Everyday I get to talk to Him makes me long to know Him more. I pray that He will lead my life and that He will give me just as much wisdom and discernment that I need to follow Him.
It was nice having a stranger notice something today that I have fervently been trying to do:
Walk in the light.
Monday, July 16, 2012
I Am God
Shocking! Isn't it?
I am reading a book by Michael Fontenot and Thomas Jones called The Prideful Soul's Guide to Humility. I've never been slapped so hard in the face or kicked so many times in the gut as I have figuratively been while reading this book. I am less than halfway through but already feel the need to write a post about it.
Everything is pride. Pride is easy to excuse in one's self because, well... everything is pride.
When I'm at Walmart and see a kid throwing an outragous fit, the thought that immediately goes through my mind is, "What a terrible mother." (Or if the child is with a grandparent or father I think, "Where is that child's mother?") Pride. If that child were in the store with me he or she would NOT be acting like that.
I could go on with numerous examples of pride in my own life... but naturally that would hurt my pride. Instead let me give you a passage from the book I'm reading and you can see a little better what I'm talking about.
Everything is pride.
"What is pride? It is almost always an attitude of self-sufficiency and independence (I can handle this without help" or "I understand my situation better than anyone else"). It is often an attitude of self-righteousness ("I am at least as good as you are, probably better"). It is sometimes an attitude of boastfulness ("Look what I did, and look what this proves I can do"). It is commonly an attitude of superiority ("My intellect is greater, or my looks are greater or something about me is greater"). Pride looks down on others. Pride does not listen well. It is stubborn. Pride is not eager to learn because it is confident in what it already knows. Pride is not quick to admit wrong because it fears it may look bad or lose its position. Pride is competitive and is easily threatened. Pride is insecure. Pride finds it hard to rejoice in the success of others."
Well, I don't know about you, but when I read these lines I feel as low as the ground I walk on. How is it possible to stop those thoughts from racing through my head when I see a screaming kid at Wal Mart? I don't invite the thoughts. I don't have to think about how to develop them. They spring up, usually uninvited. They are the overflow of my prideful, sin-filled heart.
Oh, but then, I go home and invite those thoughts for a fun resurfacing. I dwell on them. I tell others about the aweful kid I saw screaming at the Wal Mart. All the time this makes me feel better about my well-behaved child. But it's not my child at all. It's me. Only me. I am the best thing there ever was! My child would never do wrong, not because he's so good, but because I'm so good.
I did not realize this little habit of mine was rooted in pride. I would have guessed that I was being judgemental (I was). I would have guessed that I was being unloving (I was). But deep down, I guess my passing judgment on another mother having a bad day with a screaming kid is just me feeling better about myself because I am filled with pride.
I am sorry to those mothers.
I am not finished with the book, so I don't know how to be a better person than the embarrassment I already am. But I do know that I can't do it by myself. I do know that I need God to change me. I do know that humility is found at the heart of the cross and that the heart of the cross is found in Jesus Christ. So all I can do is pray. I'll ask forgiveness once again and ask God to fill me up with his spirit. I'll ask for a heart that is more like Christ's so that the next time I go to fill my cart up with groceries I won't just look at the woman with a screaming kid in disgust... instead I might look at her through Christ's eyes. Though I can't pretend yet to know what Christ might see. I doubt he sees all the bad in her that I choose to see... because I pray the bad is not all he sees when he looks at me.
Read the book. It will challenge you. It will remind you that you are NOT a God. It will reveal in you a disgusting human being that you may have forgotten is in need of a Lord. It will reaveal what you may have forgotten: that you are also in need of a Savior.
I am reading a book by Michael Fontenot and Thomas Jones called The Prideful Soul's Guide to Humility. I've never been slapped so hard in the face or kicked so many times in the gut as I have figuratively been while reading this book. I am less than halfway through but already feel the need to write a post about it.
Everything is pride. Pride is easy to excuse in one's self because, well... everything is pride.
When I'm at Walmart and see a kid throwing an outragous fit, the thought that immediately goes through my mind is, "What a terrible mother." (Or if the child is with a grandparent or father I think, "Where is that child's mother?") Pride. If that child were in the store with me he or she would NOT be acting like that.
I could go on with numerous examples of pride in my own life... but naturally that would hurt my pride. Instead let me give you a passage from the book I'm reading and you can see a little better what I'm talking about.
Everything is pride.
"What is pride? It is almost always an attitude of self-sufficiency and independence (I can handle this without help" or "I understand my situation better than anyone else"). It is often an attitude of self-righteousness ("I am at least as good as you are, probably better"). It is sometimes an attitude of boastfulness ("Look what I did, and look what this proves I can do"). It is commonly an attitude of superiority ("My intellect is greater, or my looks are greater or something about me is greater"). Pride looks down on others. Pride does not listen well. It is stubborn. Pride is not eager to learn because it is confident in what it already knows. Pride is not quick to admit wrong because it fears it may look bad or lose its position. Pride is competitive and is easily threatened. Pride is insecure. Pride finds it hard to rejoice in the success of others."
Well, I don't know about you, but when I read these lines I feel as low as the ground I walk on. How is it possible to stop those thoughts from racing through my head when I see a screaming kid at Wal Mart? I don't invite the thoughts. I don't have to think about how to develop them. They spring up, usually uninvited. They are the overflow of my prideful, sin-filled heart.
Oh, but then, I go home and invite those thoughts for a fun resurfacing. I dwell on them. I tell others about the aweful kid I saw screaming at the Wal Mart. All the time this makes me feel better about my well-behaved child. But it's not my child at all. It's me. Only me. I am the best thing there ever was! My child would never do wrong, not because he's so good, but because I'm so good.
I did not realize this little habit of mine was rooted in pride. I would have guessed that I was being judgemental (I was). I would have guessed that I was being unloving (I was). But deep down, I guess my passing judgment on another mother having a bad day with a screaming kid is just me feeling better about myself because I am filled with pride.
I am sorry to those mothers.
I am not finished with the book, so I don't know how to be a better person than the embarrassment I already am. But I do know that I can't do it by myself. I do know that I need God to change me. I do know that humility is found at the heart of the cross and that the heart of the cross is found in Jesus Christ. So all I can do is pray. I'll ask forgiveness once again and ask God to fill me up with his spirit. I'll ask for a heart that is more like Christ's so that the next time I go to fill my cart up with groceries I won't just look at the woman with a screaming kid in disgust... instead I might look at her through Christ's eyes. Though I can't pretend yet to know what Christ might see. I doubt he sees all the bad in her that I choose to see... because I pray the bad is not all he sees when he looks at me.
Read the book. It will challenge you. It will remind you that you are NOT a God. It will reveal in you a disgusting human being that you may have forgotten is in need of a Lord. It will reaveal what you may have forgotten: that you are also in need of a Savior.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Five Years, Five Lessons
Tomorrow will be Josh and I's five year anniversary. I stole an idea from another blog and decided to write about five life-lessons I've learned during those five years.
5) God is good. During our marriage I
have watched God provide for us time and time again. I believe God has placed
us in towns to live in at just the right times. I believe he has given Josh
jobs where he is supposed to work at just the right times. I believe he has
allowed opportunities to come and go so that we could learn and grow from them
at just the right times. God is so faithful to care for those who love him, and
he has blessed us far more than we deserve.
4) Save. Neither Josh nor I have been very
good about saving money during our marriage, but I am grateful for the little
we have. In today’s world it is naïve to assume you are secure in any job, and
I believe it is foolish not to have the finances available to both survive for
a while without an income and to move if necessary. Twice during our marriage
Josh and I have had to survive off savings for as many as three and a half
consecutive months. At the end of those months came first and last months’
rents, pet deposits, utility deposits… bottom line- we need to rely on God, but
we also need to save. God takes care of and feeds the ants, but they still have
to save in order to survive the winter. People as a whole could learn a lesson
from those tiny little ants.
3) Our Greatest Gift is Time. I very much enjoyed
the time I had with my husband the four (or so) years we were married before we
had our children, and now that we have children, I am very grateful for the
time we all get to spend as a family. I believe it is more important for Josh and
I to “waste” a day by not being productive and instead invest time into our
family than to “waste” our day away on a thousand never-ending projects. Yes- there
is certainly a need to take care of business and be productive… but in our lives
there will always be a car in the garage that could use some work… there will
always be a pile of junk that could stand to be sorted and put away… there will
always be more dishes to do… but our kids will not always be little. Our kids will not always want to hang out with mom and dad. Someday our kids will
be grown and gone, and I do not plan on wasting what little time God has given
me with them by always putting family time off for the sake of yet another
project.
2) I married the best man I could have ever
dreamed of!
As children I think all of us women dream of what our husbands might be like
someday. I know I did; I used to think about my life after I got married and
what it might be like. I would imagine how many kids I might have and how many
cats I would love… well, I don’t have myself a kitty right now, but Josh is so
much more than I ever dreamed a husband could be. 1 Corinthians 2:9 says, “…No
eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for
those who love him.” I always thought
this verse was talking about life after death, but now I think it could also
refer to the incredible blessings God gives us right during this lifetime. I
could have never conceived a wonderful man like Josh while dreaming as a child…
and now I live with the man every day, and still sometimes have trouble
conceiving why God would bless me with him in my life.
1) Contentedness is Learned. Oh, how I wish
someday I could be like Paul when he said he had learned how to be content
during the happiest stages of his life and also during the most trialing. I do not
believe I can make that statement yet, but I have learned that contentedness is
not a passing feeling that occurs when everything is going our way. In order to
be content we have to consciously make the decision to be satisfied with every
stage of our lives. I have learned that one way to learn contentedness is
through practicing the art of gratitude. I feel much more satisfied with my
life when I am tempted to drown myself with worry when I stop and give God
thanks for everything that he has given me and my family. I thank him for being
so much bigger than me and being able to see the larger picture that I might be
temporarily blinded to… and though I am probably not as “good” as Paul, I
believe I can say that I have started to learn how to be content in this life.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
A New Kind of Blessing
A couple nights ago I was getting into bed. Micah had already been asleep for a couple of hours, and Lydia was down until her next feeding. While climbing in I felt an incredible surge of happiness, joy, and gratitude. For the first time in my life all the rooms in my house were filled with little children. My little children.
I am grateful for my babies. I am grateful for my babies in a way I never knew was possible before I had children.
Somebody asked me before I had Lydia if I was worried that I would love Micah less after I had her. It was a question I hadn't really considered, but with as much love as I already felt for the new little baby-to-be, I started to worry a little and was afraid Micah might get a bit neglected.
What an amazing thing God does to mothers!! God doesn't give us one serving of love that has to be divided up between our spouses, kids, other family members and friends... one dose of love to figure out how to distribute throughout our whole lives. No! He gives his love and somehow multiplies our own! I am so grateful for this.
Lately I have been asking myself how does anyone ever stop having children? How do we decide which is the last little life we are willing to bring into this world? How do we decide how many gifts and rewards are enough for us? (Psalm 127:3) I like Michelle Duggar and the fact that she and her husband are willing to have so many children. Do I think they're nuts? Absolutely!! But now that I have two babies of my own... two little souls to bring up in the way of the Lord... I can understand why they could never find the hearts to stop.
I love my babies. I love Micah now more than I knew was possible before I had Lydia. I can't wait until he's up and running around. I am looking forward to getting to see all the stages of his life seated in the front row. I am looking forward to seeing who my little daughter will turn into. She is such a happy little baby and has been smiling all day.
God is good. We never get too old for him to teach us new things, and he never stops amazing me.
I am grateful for my babies. I am grateful for my babies in a way I never knew was possible before I had children.
Somebody asked me before I had Lydia if I was worried that I would love Micah less after I had her. It was a question I hadn't really considered, but with as much love as I already felt for the new little baby-to-be, I started to worry a little and was afraid Micah might get a bit neglected.
What an amazing thing God does to mothers!! God doesn't give us one serving of love that has to be divided up between our spouses, kids, other family members and friends... one dose of love to figure out how to distribute throughout our whole lives. No! He gives his love and somehow multiplies our own! I am so grateful for this.
Lately I have been asking myself how does anyone ever stop having children? How do we decide which is the last little life we are willing to bring into this world? How do we decide how many gifts and rewards are enough for us? (Psalm 127:3) I like Michelle Duggar and the fact that she and her husband are willing to have so many children. Do I think they're nuts? Absolutely!! But now that I have two babies of my own... two little souls to bring up in the way of the Lord... I can understand why they could never find the hearts to stop.
I love my babies. I love Micah now more than I knew was possible before I had Lydia. I can't wait until he's up and running around. I am looking forward to getting to see all the stages of his life seated in the front row. I am looking forward to seeing who my little daughter will turn into. She is such a happy little baby and has been smiling all day.
God is good. We never get too old for him to teach us new things, and he never stops amazing me.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Waiting For New Baby Part 2
When I read my last post, I picture some sort of super-human crazy lady, and I think, how can you be so calm! Don't worry folks, as the days have passed I have gotten more and more human and less and less patient.
I finally decided to get out of bed around 5:30 this morning. After tossing and turning about half an hour, I decided I shouldn't make it any harder for Josh to sleep. I took the four hours of sleep I managed to get and came downstairs and watched me some Turning Point on our laptop. I was able to get back to sleep around 7:00 this morning. I figured I'd get an hour's nap in before church.
Nope, Josh thought it would be helpful to turn off the alarm because I had such a hard time sleeping last night. It's past 10:30 and he's still snoozing away up there. That means a three hour nap for me, no church for us, and a bored wife trying to find something to do to pass the time! On with the blog post!
Eleven days ago my mom came down per my request to take Micah home with her. Little did she know that when she offered to come down and take him away that morning that I would talk to Josh immediately when he got up and get the okay from him for her to go ahead and do it!
At first I just LOVED having Micah gone. It's not very often that a stay at home mom ever gets to actually be home without her kids. I was NOT depressed, though some of what I did while he was first away might seem like the manic-form of a manically depressed person! Oh my goodness, did I clean! I had a three-page to-do list that I had formed and I got it all done. I did things that weren't even on my list- like clean all of the nasty keys on my piano.... I just LOVE cleaning! I love starting a cleaning project and not getting interrupted from it twenty times by a needy baby. I really enjoyed that first week of Micah being gone and waiting for New Baby...
But now all of the cleaning is done. Yesterday, I finally started to really begin to miss Micah, and when I was watching old videos of him this morning, I was really missing him!
I want to get this kid out! Micah's first birthday is in just four days, and I'm afraid I'm going to miss seeing him on it because I won't have gone into stupid labor! I know I could ask my mom to bring him back home any time and she would at the drop of the hat, but I don't really want him here. I miss him like crazy now, but it is still way too helpful having him gone. I don't have to haul his heavy butt up and down the stairs, and we don't have to worry about finding a sitter if the time ever DOES come for us to go to the hospital. (Plus, the house really does stay clean!)
But boy do I miss him. I want to hurry up and have this baby and almost all of my reasons are selfish! Maybe the only unselfish reason is because I feel so bad having Micah dumped on my mom for so long. I know she is enjoying her time with him, but let's face it. It is not easy adding a baby to your daily routine- even one as easy-going as Micah. It's not easy having him at work every day with you either.
But here are some of my selfish reasons:
1) I really want to meet this new baby! I am so excited to see her face- I can hardly stand it!
2) After laboring with no pain medication while on Pitocin when I had Micah, I do NOT want to go through the pain of being induced again!! I still want an un-medicated birth, but I know that, for me, that will not be possible while on Pitocin. (I did get the epidural for the pushing stage of Micah's birth.)
3) I am so sick of waiting! (What expectant mother isn't by and past her due date!?)
4) Oh, I want to see my Micah!! I don't want him home to have to care for before I have this new baby, so I want to hurry up and have her so that he can come home! Plus, I DON'T want to miss seeing him on his birthday.
5) The longer I wait to have this kid, the more days Josh will have to take off work. This past week he had TEN DAYS OFF in a row!! Well, he had to work one night in that run. Boy, wouldn't it have been convenient to have had this baby at the beginning of that stretch!? Well, he has to make up those days he was forced to take off, and that fun six nights of work in a row start this coming Wednesday. It is really going to suck if I go into labor Wednesday night and he has to take all those days off work. That is 72 hours. It will eat up any and all vacation he last left for this year... and it's only April!
6) I just can't wait to be able to sleep on my stomach again!
So there are my selfish, human reasons for wanting to hurry up and have this kid. I am sick of waiting. I am sick of trying to make myself enjoy my waiting. I am bored without Micah and with no cleaning to do. Okay, so there are more than six selfish reasons why I guess, but now you all know that I am no super-human who patiently endures!
When my friend, Felicia, found out I hadn't had any baby yet, she quoted me a scripture that I thought was pretty funny! "Surely I say unto you, ye shall be delivered!"
This verse made me laugh out loud and brightened my day a bit when she sent it to me, but it wasn't until now that I was looking up the scripture to post with this verse that I realized this verse is NOT in the Bible.
Great. What am I going to do now!?
Well, I guess no woman has ever just never had her baby. Some day soon it will be this baby's turn to be introduced to this beautiful world. She is such a stubborn little thing though, I hope she doesn't have to be forced to come out!!
I finally decided to get out of bed around 5:30 this morning. After tossing and turning about half an hour, I decided I shouldn't make it any harder for Josh to sleep. I took the four hours of sleep I managed to get and came downstairs and watched me some Turning Point on our laptop. I was able to get back to sleep around 7:00 this morning. I figured I'd get an hour's nap in before church.
Nope, Josh thought it would be helpful to turn off the alarm because I had such a hard time sleeping last night. It's past 10:30 and he's still snoozing away up there. That means a three hour nap for me, no church for us, and a bored wife trying to find something to do to pass the time! On with the blog post!
Eleven days ago my mom came down per my request to take Micah home with her. Little did she know that when she offered to come down and take him away that morning that I would talk to Josh immediately when he got up and get the okay from him for her to go ahead and do it!
At first I just LOVED having Micah gone. It's not very often that a stay at home mom ever gets to actually be home without her kids. I was NOT depressed, though some of what I did while he was first away might seem like the manic-form of a manically depressed person! Oh my goodness, did I clean! I had a three-page to-do list that I had formed and I got it all done. I did things that weren't even on my list- like clean all of the nasty keys on my piano.... I just LOVE cleaning! I love starting a cleaning project and not getting interrupted from it twenty times by a needy baby. I really enjoyed that first week of Micah being gone and waiting for New Baby...
But now all of the cleaning is done. Yesterday, I finally started to really begin to miss Micah, and when I was watching old videos of him this morning, I was really missing him!
I want to get this kid out! Micah's first birthday is in just four days, and I'm afraid I'm going to miss seeing him on it because I won't have gone into stupid labor! I know I could ask my mom to bring him back home any time and she would at the drop of the hat, but I don't really want him here. I miss him like crazy now, but it is still way too helpful having him gone. I don't have to haul his heavy butt up and down the stairs, and we don't have to worry about finding a sitter if the time ever DOES come for us to go to the hospital. (Plus, the house really does stay clean!)
But boy do I miss him. I want to hurry up and have this baby and almost all of my reasons are selfish! Maybe the only unselfish reason is because I feel so bad having Micah dumped on my mom for so long. I know she is enjoying her time with him, but let's face it. It is not easy adding a baby to your daily routine- even one as easy-going as Micah. It's not easy having him at work every day with you either.
But here are some of my selfish reasons:
1) I really want to meet this new baby! I am so excited to see her face- I can hardly stand it!
2) After laboring with no pain medication while on Pitocin when I had Micah, I do NOT want to go through the pain of being induced again!! I still want an un-medicated birth, but I know that, for me, that will not be possible while on Pitocin. (I did get the epidural for the pushing stage of Micah's birth.)
3) I am so sick of waiting! (What expectant mother isn't by and past her due date!?)
4) Oh, I want to see my Micah!! I don't want him home to have to care for before I have this new baby, so I want to hurry up and have her so that he can come home! Plus, I DON'T want to miss seeing him on his birthday.
5) The longer I wait to have this kid, the more days Josh will have to take off work. This past week he had TEN DAYS OFF in a row!! Well, he had to work one night in that run. Boy, wouldn't it have been convenient to have had this baby at the beginning of that stretch!? Well, he has to make up those days he was forced to take off, and that fun six nights of work in a row start this coming Wednesday. It is really going to suck if I go into labor Wednesday night and he has to take all those days off work. That is 72 hours. It will eat up any and all vacation he last left for this year... and it's only April!
6) I just can't wait to be able to sleep on my stomach again!
So there are my selfish, human reasons for wanting to hurry up and have this kid. I am sick of waiting. I am sick of trying to make myself enjoy my waiting. I am bored without Micah and with no cleaning to do. Okay, so there are more than six selfish reasons why I guess, but now you all know that I am no super-human who patiently endures!
When my friend, Felicia, found out I hadn't had any baby yet, she quoted me a scripture that I thought was pretty funny! "Surely I say unto you, ye shall be delivered!"
This verse made me laugh out loud and brightened my day a bit when she sent it to me, but it wasn't until now that I was looking up the scripture to post with this verse that I realized this verse is NOT in the Bible.
Great. What am I going to do now!?
Well, I guess no woman has ever just never had her baby. Some day soon it will be this baby's turn to be introduced to this beautiful world. She is such a stubborn little thing though, I hope she doesn't have to be forced to come out!!
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Waiting For New Baby
Do you remember how agonizing waiting used to be when you were a kid? We were always waiting for something, weren't we? We were waiting until it was time to get up from our naps, waiting until we were old enough to go to school, waiting for school to get out at 3:00, waiting for the summer, waiting until we could graduate. I even had a hard time waiting until I got married!
One of the things I am extremely grateful to God for is the time he has given me to learn how to wait patiently. It was not an easy lesson to learn, and it took me over a year to understand what waiting patiently even meant... but now that I am farther along in my walk in this area than I was a few years ago, I think there is so much to be said about not only learning how to wait patiently, but also enjoying the seasons of waiting in our lives. When we live our whole lives thinking I can't wait until... you fill in the blank: how about I go on vacation... I get out of debt... I finally retire... when we go through our lives thinking this way we miss something so important. We miss today.
I think it's funny that God chose to tell us in His Word, "...do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matt. 6:34)
So I am not worrying about tomorrow. I am enjoying today. If you catch me on the wrong evening I will be saying how much I want this kid out of me! Those are nights when I'm throwing up like mad and my back hurts and my hips hurt and I'm having lots of practice contractions. I am human, and I do get sick of things in the present just like everybody else.
But most of the time these last few days before my new baby is born, you will find me enjoying myself. I am so thrilled to spend these last few days with my little Micah. He has grown up so fast, and this season in my life is almost over. Lord-willing I will never only have one child alive again, so I am cherishing every waking hour I have with just Micah. (I am also pregnant, so I am also really cherishing every non-waking hour with Micah!)
In the past few days I have made to-do list after to-do list and I finished another one off today. I already have around ten things lined up in my head that I want to put on my next to-do list, and I am so thankful to God that I still have the energy and motivation (most of the time) to keep marking things off.
Here is a gimps into my life:
Tonight I wanted to cross off the last item on my to-do list: ironing the curtains for New Baby's room. Josh had already set the ironing board up for me, something I always struggle with, so all I had to do was get out the iron and heat it up. Micah was already asleep. I turned on one of my favorite cds (Ray Boltz), took down the two curtains I wanted to iron and got to work. Ironing is great. There is instant gratification. I just loved getting to see the wrinkles press out of those curtains. The smell from the hot iron filled my bathroom and it made me never want to stop! I enjoyed everything about that measly, mundane task of ironing.
If we want to look at the every-glorious, seemingly always better "someday" that this world always seems to put on a pedestal, let me tell you how I see someday: Someday my babies will be grown and gone. I will not need to be ironing curtains for their bedrooms. Someday I may not be able to afford curtains for my child's bedroom. Someday I may no longer be able to physically complete the task of ironing. Someday I may no longer be able to see to watch those wrinkles fall out under the hot iron. And so while I'm ironing I am praising God. I am thanking him for the opportunity to get to iron those silly curtains. I am thanking him for the good night's rest he allowed me to get last night and the nap I got to sneak in with my husband this afternoon so that I had the energy to iron so late in the evening. (Oh yes, 9:00 is late!) I am thanking him for getting to text back and forth with my mom telling her how much fun I'm having ironing. I am enjoying the way I am spending this particular 20 minutes in my life while I wait for New Baby to come.
So let me encourage you- if you find yourself always waiting for things in your life to get better, just stop it. They're not going to. Instead, I encourage you to look around you and find all of those wonderful things in your life that are going right RIGHT NOW and offer up some sacrifices of praise and gratitude for them. Our God is great and he cares about every flower he creates and every fly we want to smash. He cares about you too, and he wants you to enjoy whatever season he is bringing you through right now.
One of the things I am extremely grateful to God for is the time he has given me to learn how to wait patiently. It was not an easy lesson to learn, and it took me over a year to understand what waiting patiently even meant... but now that I am farther along in my walk in this area than I was a few years ago, I think there is so much to be said about not only learning how to wait patiently, but also enjoying the seasons of waiting in our lives. When we live our whole lives thinking I can't wait until... you fill in the blank: how about I go on vacation... I get out of debt... I finally retire... when we go through our lives thinking this way we miss something so important. We miss today.
I think it's funny that God chose to tell us in His Word, "...do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matt. 6:34)
So I am not worrying about tomorrow. I am enjoying today. If you catch me on the wrong evening I will be saying how much I want this kid out of me! Those are nights when I'm throwing up like mad and my back hurts and my hips hurt and I'm having lots of practice contractions. I am human, and I do get sick of things in the present just like everybody else.
But most of the time these last few days before my new baby is born, you will find me enjoying myself. I am so thrilled to spend these last few days with my little Micah. He has grown up so fast, and this season in my life is almost over. Lord-willing I will never only have one child alive again, so I am cherishing every waking hour I have with just Micah. (I am also pregnant, so I am also really cherishing every non-waking hour with Micah!)
In the past few days I have made to-do list after to-do list and I finished another one off today. I already have around ten things lined up in my head that I want to put on my next to-do list, and I am so thankful to God that I still have the energy and motivation (most of the time) to keep marking things off.
Here is a gimps into my life:
Tonight I wanted to cross off the last item on my to-do list: ironing the curtains for New Baby's room. Josh had already set the ironing board up for me, something I always struggle with, so all I had to do was get out the iron and heat it up. Micah was already asleep. I turned on one of my favorite cds (Ray Boltz), took down the two curtains I wanted to iron and got to work. Ironing is great. There is instant gratification. I just loved getting to see the wrinkles press out of those curtains. The smell from the hot iron filled my bathroom and it made me never want to stop! I enjoyed everything about that measly, mundane task of ironing.
If we want to look at the every-glorious, seemingly always better "someday" that this world always seems to put on a pedestal, let me tell you how I see someday: Someday my babies will be grown and gone. I will not need to be ironing curtains for their bedrooms. Someday I may not be able to afford curtains for my child's bedroom. Someday I may no longer be able to physically complete the task of ironing. Someday I may no longer be able to see to watch those wrinkles fall out under the hot iron. And so while I'm ironing I am praising God. I am thanking him for the opportunity to get to iron those silly curtains. I am thanking him for the good night's rest he allowed me to get last night and the nap I got to sneak in with my husband this afternoon so that I had the energy to iron so late in the evening. (Oh yes, 9:00 is late!) I am thanking him for getting to text back and forth with my mom telling her how much fun I'm having ironing. I am enjoying the way I am spending this particular 20 minutes in my life while I wait for New Baby to come.
So let me encourage you- if you find yourself always waiting for things in your life to get better, just stop it. They're not going to. Instead, I encourage you to look around you and find all of those wonderful things in your life that are going right RIGHT NOW and offer up some sacrifices of praise and gratitude for them. Our God is great and he cares about every flower he creates and every fly we want to smash. He cares about you too, and he wants you to enjoy whatever season he is bringing you through right now.
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