Treasures

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven....... For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.......No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."

Matthew 6:19-24

Treasure Defined

Noun

1)    Wealth and riches, usually hoarded

2)    Any thing or person greatly valued

Verb

1)    To retain carefully or keep in store

2)    To regard or treat as precious

3)    To put away for security or future use

So, everybody knows that God tells us not to store up for ourselves treasure on earth. I personally do not believe this means that God is against his people owning stuff… instead, I am learning that if we pay a great price for our stuff, our stuff begins to control us.

Our STUFF will control our emotions when we jump to anger any time our beloved STUFF is believed to have been damaged. It will steal our peace as we worry about the rust and moths and thieves that are sure to come during this lifetime. It will ruin our ability to be hospitable when our STUFF becomes more important than the people using it.

Consider the following personal examples.

I have bought very few new things for myself during my life. The short list includes my bedroom furniture, each of my children's bedroom furniture, and two rocking chairs.

I have always been the type of person who never really minded if a glass broke, a spill happened, or a stain set in. It just never mattered to me if STUFF didn't stay in perfect condition. I believe in living in my home, not treating it like a museum!

This has been an easy world-view for me to adopt since my house is decorated with furniture from resale shops, junktiques, and things that people have given me. I love it!

I DO believe in being good stewards of the things God has entrusted us with... my things are not riddled with filth or stains; I take care of them the best I can.

That being said, I do NOT believe in obsessing about my STUFF. If a spill happens, I just shrug it off. I know in my heart of hearts that it simply doesn't matter. It can be cleaned (and if a guest is present, it can usually be cleaned after they leave)... if a stain is left behind, it just doesn't matter. When you pay little to nothing for your belongings, it is very easy to let them go.

Oh, but I have been learning the meaning of, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth..."

The very same day Josh and I bought our brand new, expensive bedroom furniture; one of the dressers fell over in the moving truck and caused a huge dent. I was MAD. Mad at whoever secured the dresser in the first place and also mad at whoever was driving. My STUFF had gotten damaged.

A couple years after purchasing that same brand new, expensive bedroom furniture, our husky chewed up the bottoms of three of the four pieces in the set. I also noticed that the foot of the bed was all scratched up where our wiener dogs had made themselves at home jumping on and off our bed to be more comfortable. I was FURIOUS with those animals for ruining my STUFF.

Only a month or so after Micah was born I bought some scented oil for his room. I placed it on his dresser and the next week when I dusted his furniture all of the finish had been taken off of that brand new, expensive dresser where the oil had leaked through the jar I had decorated with. I was livid!

On the other hand, I have a piano that got all banged around when it was moved. I didn't care in the least. Micah has a toy box (my old toy box) that has been slammed shut and used as a crashing sight for his train, and it has never made me cringe. I have a leather couch that Tucker will tinkle on if company gets too loud, and he gets too worried. I have never gotten mad at him because of it (annoyed, maybe! but not mad)...

So, what’s the difference? In the stories where I was so angry about my STUFF getting ruined, my STUFF was more important to me than anything or anyone else at that time.

In the next three examples, my stuff was just not important because I hadn’t paid much for it. In those examples, the movers were more important than my used piano. I saw them straining to bring that heavy thing into my new house. They were trying their hardest to be careful, and I was genuinely just grateful that they had done such hard work for me, and not at all upset that a few bangs had happened in the process.

Micah's joy (and the joy of his little friends who slam the lid of his toy box closed) is more important to me than worrying if that old chest is going to get damaged or scratched. 

My wiener dog, and his worried little heart is more important to me than some old, stupid couch that can easily be cleaned, or just thrown away if it gets ruined.

I have been appalled in the past with my childish behavior regarding my stuff. I believe that Jesus told his disciples to go and preach the gospel without taking a “walking stick, traveler's bag, food, money, or even a change of clothes” because He knows what power our stuff can hold over our hearts. (Luke 9:3 NLT)

We cannot love both God and money. I believe this can easily be adapted to: we cannot love both God and STUFF.

Our Sin

This life is hard to live.

We are born into sin. It is our nature, and it’s our preference. Our sin is easy.

Last week, our preacher said that there was no sin so big that God couldn’t forgive it. I was unsettled, and I wanted to scream out, “You’re wrong!! My sin is bigger!”

And don’t we all feel like that some times? My sin is bigger because it is always there. Recurring, frequent, habitual sin. How can God forgive again? Why would he forgive again? How can he forgive if there was never any true repentance in the first place?

How many times have I flippantly ask God for forgiveness for one of my recurring sins? If I have not truly repented from my sin- I mean, truly turned away from it to never do that sin again… have I still been forgiven?

The easy answer is yes. The “Christian” answer is yes. But I’m writing this post, so obviously I’m still wondering.

God says, “I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!” Revelation 3:15-16

Am I lukewarm if I say I’m a Christian but have never truly repented of my sins? What about if I ask God for forgiveness because I really want His blessing on my life, but don’t really want to do my part to stop doing those sins I’ve come to enjoy?

I have said it before, but it’s worth mentioning again: I am like Paul when he said in Romans 7:14-25,

“…the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin.

I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.

And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.

I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong.

I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me."

I am still learning what God’s grace is all about, but I like this writing from Paul. It gives me hope that God can still love a flawed and sinful human such as myself. And I guess that is the definition of God’s grace: that He loves us anyway- even though we don’t deserve it- even though we can’t obtain it- even though we are still ruled by our own sin while we are still on this earth.

Thank you, God, for sending your son so that someday we might live with you forever in Heaven. You will be the ruler of all instead of our sin. I thank you for your sacrifice. I thank you for your patience. I thank you for your words of instruction, and I thank you for your revelation. You are good, kind, just, and holy.

Help me learn how to praise you and accept your forgiveness without guilt. It’s in your son, Jesus’, most precious name I pray, Amen!

Anna Vi Gerrels

I had a baby last week. She was small and innocent, but God's breath of life had been taken out of her. She was already home with our Heavenly Father, even before I got to meet her.

We named her Anna Vi.

I will miss her in so many ways. I will miss getting to feel her kick and grow inside of me. I will miss getting to see what color hair and eyes she had. I will miss getting to see what type of personality God blessed her with. I will miss getting to see the man she would have fallen in love with and gaining him as another son in our family. I will miss getting to see her as a mother. I will miss getting to have her as a friend.

But with all this sadness and earthly loss, I am also happy for my daughter. I am so happy that she is already face to face with the King of Kings. I am happy that she has been adopted by the Father of fathers. I am happy that she gets to miss out on the things her earthly parents would have done wrong. I am happy that she gets to miss out on the trials and pain of this world.

I thank the Lord that He has now blessed me with the ability to understand and comfort so many women who have lost little babies of their own. I thank Him that He saw Anna's unformed body and that  her days were ordained for her and written in God's book even before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:16)

Most of all, I thank the Lord for His wonderful peace that passes understanding- such a "church-y" phrase that has come to mean so much to me.

"Walking In the Light"

As I was on my way out of The Home Depot today, a man working there said the strangest words to me. He said, "You are walking in the light." I stepped towards him and said, "Excuse me?" With a smile the man repeated, "You are walking in the light."

What does this even mean!? How can this man even know that I'm a Christian? I had barely spoken to him earlier as I explained that I didn't need any help as another man had already pointed me in the direction I needed to go... and then as I passed him again on my way out the door he makes the strange comment.... I didn't know what to think.

But it's true. And that's what amazes me.

Lately my desire has no longer been to be a good person. My desire has not been to be a good wife or even good mother. I cannot do any of these things in my own power. I am just as human and just as flawed as everybody else in this world.

My desire is to know Jesus Christ. My desire is to have His will revealed to me and to live out the life He has planned for me. My desire is to know and love Christ with all of my heart, soul, and strength; enough so that I cannot tell His will from my own- that we operate as one.

Everyday now I engage in a personal one on one Bible study with my Lord. It is amazing the things He is revealing to me. Everyday I get to talk to Him makes me long to know Him more. I pray that He will lead my life and that He will give me just as much wisdom and discernment that I need to follow Him.

It was nice having a stranger notice something today that I have fervently been trying to do:

Walk in the light.

I Am God

Shocking! Isn't it?

I am reading a book by Michael Fontenot and Thomas Jones called The Prideful Soul's Guide to Humility. I've never been slapped so hard in the face or kicked so many times in the gut as I have figuratively been while reading this book. I am less than halfway through but already feel the need to write a post about it.

Everything is pride. Pride is easy to excuse in one's self because, well... everything is pride.

When I'm at Walmart and see a kid throwing an outragous fit, the thought that immediately goes through my mind is, "What a terrible mother." (Or if the child is with a grandparent or father I think, "Where is that child's mother?") Pride. If that child were in the store with me he or she would NOT be acting like that.

I could go on with numerous examples of pride in my own life... but naturally that would hurt my pride. Instead let me give you a passage from the book I'm reading and you can see a little better what I'm talking about.

Everything is pride.

"What is pride? It is almost always an attitude of self-sufficiency and independence (I can handle this without help" or "I understand my situation better than anyone else"). It is often an attitude of self-righteousness ("I am at least as good as you are, probably better"). It is sometimes an attitude of boastfulness ("Look what I did, and look what this proves I can do"). It is commonly an attitude of superiority ("My intellect is greater, or my looks are greater or something about me is greater"). Pride looks down on others. Pride does not listen well. It is stubborn. Pride is not eager to learn because it is confident in what it already knows. Pride is not quick to admit wrong because it fears it may look bad or lose its position. Pride is competitive and is easily threatened. Pride is insecure. Pride finds it hard to rejoice in the success of others."

Well, I don't know about you, but when I read these lines I feel as low as the ground I walk on. How is it possible to stop those thoughts from racing through my head when I see a screaming kid at Wal Mart? I don't invite the thoughts. I don't have to think about how to develop them. They spring up, usually uninvited. They are the overflow of my prideful, sin-filled heart.

Oh, but then, I go home and invite those thoughts for a fun resurfacing. I dwell on them. I tell others about the aweful kid I saw screaming at the Wal Mart. All the time this makes me feel better about my well-behaved child. But it's not my child at all. It's me. Only me. I am the best thing there ever was! My child would never do wrong, not because he's so good, but because I'm so good.

I did not realize this little habit of mine was rooted in pride. I would have guessed that I was being judgemental (I was). I would have guessed that I was being unloving (I was). But deep down, I guess my passing judgment on another mother having a bad day with a screaming kid is just me feeling better about myself because I am filled with pride.

I am sorry to those mothers.

I am not finished with the book, so I don't know how to be a better person than the embarrassment I already am. But I do know that I can't do it by myself. I do know that I need God to change me. I do know that humility is found at the heart of the cross and that the heart of the cross is found in Jesus Christ. So all I can do is pray. I'll ask forgiveness once again and ask God to fill me up with his spirit. I'll ask for a heart that is more like Christ's so that the next time I go to fill my cart up with groceries I won't just look at the woman with a screaming kid in disgust... instead I might look at her through Christ's eyes. Though I can't pretend yet to know what Christ might see. I doubt he sees all the bad in her that I choose to see... because I pray the bad is not all he sees when he looks at me.

Read the book. It will challenge you. It will remind you that you are NOT a God. It will reveal in you a disgusting human being that you may have forgotten is in need of a Lord. It will reaveal what you may have forgotten: that you are also in need of a Savior.

Five Years, Five Lessons

Tomorrow will be Josh and I's five year anniversary. I stole an idea from another blog and decided to write about five life-lessons I've learned during those five years.

5) God is good. During our marriage I have watched God provide for us time and time again. I believe God has placed us in towns to live in at just the right times. I believe he has given Josh jobs where he is supposed to work at just the right times. I believe he has allowed opportunities to come and go so that we could learn and grow from them at just the right times. God is so faithful to care for those who love him, and he has blessed us far more than we deserve.

4) Save. Neither Josh nor I have been very good about saving money during our marriage, but I am grateful for the little we have. In today’s world it is naïve to assume you are secure in any job, and I believe it is foolish not to have the finances available to both survive for a while without an income and to move if necessary. Twice during our marriage Josh and I have had to survive off savings for as many as three and a half consecutive months. At the end of those months came first and last months’ rents, pet deposits, utility deposits… bottom line- we need to rely on God, but we also need to save. God takes care of and feeds the ants, but they still have to save in order to survive the winter. People as a whole could learn a lesson from those tiny little ants.

3) Our Greatest Gift is Time. I very much enjoyed the time I had with my husband the four (or so) years we were married before we had our children, and now that we have children, I am very grateful for the time we all get to spend as a family. I believe it is more important for Josh and I to “waste” a day by not being productive and instead invest time into our family than to “waste” our day away on a thousand never-ending projects. Yes- there is certainly a need to take care of business and be productive… but in our lives there will always be a car in the garage that could use some work… there will always be a pile of junk that could stand to be sorted and put away… there will always be more dishes to do… but our kids will not always be little. Our kids will not always want to hang out with mom and dad. Someday our kids will be grown and gone, and I do not plan on wasting what little time God has given me with them by always putting family time off for the sake of yet another project.

2) I married the best man I could have ever dreamed of! As children I think all of us women dream of what our husbands might be like someday. I know I did; I used to think about my life after I got married and what it might be like. I would imagine how many kids I might have and how many cats I would love… well, I don’t have myself a kitty right now, but Josh is so much more than I ever dreamed a husband could be. 1 Corinthians 2:9 says, “…No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him.”  I always thought this verse was talking about life after death, but now I think it could also refer to the incredible blessings God gives us right during this lifetime. I could have never conceived a wonderful man like Josh while dreaming as a child… and now I live with the man every day, and still sometimes have trouble conceiving why God would bless me with him in my life.

1) Contentedness is Learned. Oh, how I wish someday I could be like Paul when he said he had learned how to be content during the happiest stages of his life and also during the most trialing. I do not believe I can make that statement yet, but I have learned that contentedness is not a passing feeling that occurs when everything is going our way. In order to be content we have to consciously make the decision to be satisfied with every stage of our lives. I have learned that one way to learn contentedness is through practicing the art of gratitude. I feel much more satisfied with my life when I am tempted to drown myself with worry when I stop and give God thanks for everything that he has given me and my family. I thank him for being so much bigger than me and being able to see the larger picture that I might be temporarily blinded to… and though I am probably not as “good” as Paul, I believe I can say that I have started to learn how to be content in this life.

A New Kind of Blessing

A couple nights ago I was getting into bed. Micah had already been asleep for a couple of hours, and Lydia was down until her next feeding. While climbing in I felt an incredible surge of happiness, joy, and gratitude. For the first time in my life all the rooms in my house were filled with little children. My little children.

I am grateful for my babies. I am grateful for my babies in a way I never knew was possible before I had children.

Somebody asked me before I had Lydia if I was worried that I would love Micah less after I had her. It was a question I hadn't really considered, but with as much love as I already felt for the new little baby-to-be, I started to worry a little and was afraid Micah might get a bit neglected.

What an amazing thing God does to mothers!! God doesn't give us one serving of love that has to be divided up between our spouses, kids, other family members and friends... one dose of love to figure out how to distribute throughout our whole lives. No! He gives his love and somehow multiplies our own! I am so grateful for this.

Lately I have been asking myself how does anyone ever stop having children? How do we decide which is the last little life we are willing to bring into this world? How do we decide how many gifts and rewards are enough for us? (Psalm 127:3) I like Michelle Duggar and the fact that she and her husband are willing to have so many children. Do I think they're nuts? Absolutely!! But now that I have two babies of my own... two little souls to bring up in the way of the Lord... I can understand why they could never find the hearts to stop.

I love my babies. I love Micah now more than I knew was possible before I had Lydia. I can't wait until he's up and running around. I am looking forward to getting to see all the stages of his life seated in the front row. I am looking forward to seeing who my little daughter will turn into. She is such a happy little baby and has been smiling all day.

God is good. We never get too old for him to teach us new things, and he never stops amazing me.

Waiting For New Baby Part 2

When I read my last post, I picture some sort of super-human crazy lady, and I think, how can you be so calm! Don't worry folks, as the days have passed I have gotten more and more human and less and less patient.

I finally decided to get out of bed around 5:30 this morning. After tossing and turning about half an hour, I decided I shouldn't make it any harder for Josh to sleep. I took the four hours of sleep I managed to get and came downstairs and watched me some Turning Point on our laptop. I was able to get back to sleep around 7:00 this morning. I figured I'd get an hour's nap in before church.

Nope, Josh thought it would be helpful to turn off the alarm because I had such a hard time sleeping last night. It's past 10:30 and he's still snoozing away up there. That means a three hour nap for me, no church for us, and a bored wife trying to find something to do to pass the time! On with the blog post!

Eleven days ago my mom came down per my request to take Micah home with her. Little did she know that when she offered to come down and take him away that morning that I would talk to Josh immediately when he got up and get the okay from him for her to go ahead and do it!

At first I just LOVED having Micah gone. It's not very often that a stay at home mom ever gets to actually be home without her kids. I was NOT depressed, though some of what I did while he was first away might seem like the manic-form of a manically depressed person! Oh my goodness, did I clean! I had a three-page to-do list that I had formed and I got it all done. I did things that weren't even on my list- like clean all of the nasty keys on my piano.... I just LOVE cleaning! I love starting a cleaning project and not getting interrupted from it twenty times by a needy baby. I really enjoyed that first week of Micah being gone and waiting for New Baby...

But now all of the cleaning is done. Yesterday, I finally started to really begin to miss Micah, and when I was watching old videos of him this morning, I was really missing him!

I want to get this kid out! Micah's first birthday is in just four days, and I'm afraid I'm going to miss seeing him on it because I won't have gone into stupid labor! I know I could ask my mom to bring him back home any time and she would at the drop of the hat, but I don't really want him here. I miss him like crazy now, but it is still way too helpful having him gone. I don't have to haul his heavy butt up and down the stairs, and we don't have to worry about finding a sitter if the time ever DOES come for us to go to the hospital. (Plus, the house really does stay clean!)

But boy do I miss him. I want to hurry up and have this baby and almost all of my reasons are selfish! Maybe the only unselfish reason is because I feel so bad having Micah dumped on my mom for so long. I know she is enjoying her time with him, but let's face it. It is not easy adding a baby to your daily routine- even one as easy-going as Micah. It's not easy having him at work every day with you either.

But here are some of my selfish reasons:
1) I really want to meet this new baby! I am so excited to see her face- I can hardly stand it!
2) After laboring with no pain medication while on Pitocin when I had Micah, I do NOT want to go through the pain of being induced again!! I still want an un-medicated birth, but I know that, for me, that will not be possible while on Pitocin. (I did get the epidural for the pushing stage of Micah's birth.)
3) I am so sick of waiting! (What expectant mother isn't by and past her due date!?)
4) Oh, I want to see my Micah!! I don't want him home to have to care for before I have this new baby, so I want to hurry up and have her so that he can come home! Plus, I DON'T want to miss seeing him on his birthday.
5) The longer I wait to have this kid, the more days Josh will have to take off work. This past week he had TEN DAYS OFF in a row!! Well, he had to work one night in that run. Boy, wouldn't it have been convenient to have had this baby at the beginning of that stretch!? Well, he has to make up those days he was forced to take off, and that fun six nights of work in a row start this coming Wednesday. It is really going to suck if I go into labor Wednesday night and he has to take all those days off work. That is 72 hours. It will eat up any and all vacation he last left for this year... and it's only April!
6) I just can't wait to be able to sleep on my stomach again!

So there are my selfish, human reasons for wanting to hurry up and have this kid. I am sick of waiting. I am sick of trying to make myself enjoy my waiting. I am bored without Micah and with no cleaning to do. Okay, so there are more than six selfish reasons why I guess, but now you all know that I am no super-human who patiently endures!

When my friend, Felicia, found out I hadn't had any baby yet, she quoted me a scripture that I thought was pretty funny! "Surely I say unto you, ye shall be delivered!"

This verse made me laugh out loud and brightened my day a bit when she sent it to me, but it wasn't until now that I was looking up the scripture to post with this verse that I realized this verse is NOT in the Bible.

Great. What am I going to do now!?

Well, I guess no woman has ever just never had her baby. Some day soon it will be this baby's turn to be introduced to this beautiful world. She is such a stubborn little thing though, I hope she doesn't have to be forced to come out!!

Waiting For New Baby

Do you remember how agonizing waiting used to be when you were a kid? We were always waiting for something, weren't we? We were waiting until it was time to get up from our naps, waiting until we were old enough to go to school, waiting for school to get out at 3:00, waiting for the summer, waiting until we could graduate. I even had a hard time waiting until I got married!

One of the things I am extremely grateful to God for is the time he has given me to learn how to wait patiently. It was not an easy lesson to learn, and it took me over a year to understand what waiting patiently even meant... but now that I am farther along in my walk in this area than I was a few years ago, I think there is so much to be said about not only learning how to wait patiently, but also enjoying the seasons of waiting in our lives. When we live our whole lives thinking I can't wait until... you fill in the blank: how about I go on vacation... I get out of debt... I finally retire... when we go through our lives thinking this way we miss something so important. We miss today.

I think it's funny that God chose to tell us in His Word, "...do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matt. 6:34)

So I am not worrying about tomorrow. I am enjoying today. If you catch me on the wrong evening I will be saying how much I want this kid out of me! Those are nights when I'm throwing up like mad and my back hurts and my hips hurt and I'm having lots of practice contractions. I am human, and I do get sick of things in the present just like everybody else.

But most of the time these last few days before my new baby is born, you will find me enjoying myself. I am so thrilled to spend these last few days with my little Micah. He has grown up so fast, and this season in my life is almost over. Lord-willing I will never only have one child alive again, so I am cherishing every waking hour I have with just Micah. (I am also pregnant, so I am also really cherishing every non-waking hour with Micah!)

In the past few days I have made to-do list after to-do list and I finished another one off today. I already have around ten things lined up in my head that I want to put on my next to-do list, and I am so thankful to God that I still have the energy and motivation (most of the time) to keep marking things off.

Here is a gimps into my life:
Tonight I wanted to cross off the last item on my to-do list: ironing the curtains for New Baby's room. Josh had already set the ironing board up for me, something I always struggle with, so all I had to do was get out the iron and heat it up. Micah was already asleep. I turned on one of my favorite cds (Ray Boltz), took down the two curtains I wanted to iron and got to work. Ironing is great. There is instant gratification. I just loved getting to see the wrinkles press out of those curtains. The smell from the hot iron filled my bathroom and it made me never want to stop! I enjoyed everything about that measly, mundane task of ironing.

If we want to look at the every-glorious, seemingly always better "someday" that this world always seems to put on a pedestal, let me tell you how I see someday: Someday my babies will be grown and gone. I will not need to be ironing curtains for their bedrooms. Someday I may not be able to afford curtains for my child's bedroom. Someday I may no longer be able to physically complete the task of ironing. Someday I may no longer be able to see to watch those wrinkles fall out under the hot iron. And so while I'm ironing I am praising God. I am thanking him for the opportunity to get to iron those silly curtains. I am thanking him for the good night's rest he allowed me to get last night and the nap I got to sneak in with my husband this afternoon so that I had the energy to iron so late in the evening. (Oh yes, 9:00 is late!) I am thanking him for getting to text back and forth with my mom telling her how much fun I'm having ironing.  I am enjoying the way I am spending this particular 20 minutes in my life while I wait for New Baby to come.

So let me encourage you- if you find yourself always waiting for things in your life to get better, just stop it. They're not going to. Instead, I encourage you to look around you and find all of those wonderful things in your life that are going right RIGHT NOW and offer up some sacrifices of praise and gratitude for them. Our God is great and he cares about every flower he creates and every fly we want to smash. He cares about you too, and he wants you to enjoy whatever season he is bringing you through right now.

Hallelujah

Hallelujah 
1. An exclamation of praise to God
2. An expression of relief or a similar emotion
3. A shout of joy, praise, or gratitude

I had to steal a song and post idea from my mom because after reading her post here, I have played the song over and over, and Cohen's voice still almost gives me chills during a few of his verses! Here is the song if you'd like to listen: Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah.

I love the image he brings up of King David in his first verse. He talks about a baffled king composing hallelujah. Can you see it!? King David was a man after God's own heart, but what a screw up he was time and time again! I can see him... blindly rushing into some sin, realizing he's done wrong, tearing his clothes in remorse and falling to the ground in a desperate attempt to reach God. He knows he can't go on without him. His cry for forgiveness becomes his hallelujah, and he is baffled by how he got in this state again. How could he have let God down? Again.

Have you ever felt like King David? Have you ever felt like Paul when he said that he didn't really understand himself because he wants to do right but doesn't... can't. He wants to do what is good, but doesn't. He doesn't want to do what is wrong but he does it anyway... on and on he goes in a similar manner until verse 25 (see Romans 7: 15-25).

Leonard sings about cold and lonely hallelujahs. He sings of broken ones. He also sings about how God used to speak to him and how every single breath he and the Holy Spirit drew was hallelujah.

We've all experienced those times haven't we? Times of an intense closeness and awareness of God in our lives. We can't wake up in the morning without wanting to sing our praises in the form of hallelujah. We can't get close enough to God and our joy abounds.

We've also all had those times when God has been quite. He hasn't spoken to us in months, maybe years. We feel like we're falling apart inside when we desperately cry out to God with our very broken hallelujahs. Maybe he answers. Maybe he remains silent.

My encouragement to you is to continue singing your hallelujahs to God. No matter what form they escape your mouth in.

I've done my best, I know it wasn't much.... and even though it all went wrong I'll stand right here before the Lord of song with nothing... nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah!

Leonard has the right idea. Let's continue to praise God in the good times and the bad- when we screw up and when life is going good. Why? Romans 7:24-25a. "Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord!"

HALLELUJAH!