Five Years, Five Lessons

Tomorrow will be Josh and I's five year anniversary. I stole an idea from another blog and decided to write about five life-lessons I've learned during those five years.

5) God is good. During our marriage I have watched God provide for us time and time again. I believe God has placed us in towns to live in at just the right times. I believe he has given Josh jobs where he is supposed to work at just the right times. I believe he has allowed opportunities to come and go so that we could learn and grow from them at just the right times. God is so faithful to care for those who love him, and he has blessed us far more than we deserve.

4) Save. Neither Josh nor I have been very good about saving money during our marriage, but I am grateful for the little we have. In today’s world it is naïve to assume you are secure in any job, and I believe it is foolish not to have the finances available to both survive for a while without an income and to move if necessary. Twice during our marriage Josh and I have had to survive off savings for as many as three and a half consecutive months. At the end of those months came first and last months’ rents, pet deposits, utility deposits… bottom line- we need to rely on God, but we also need to save. God takes care of and feeds the ants, but they still have to save in order to survive the winter. People as a whole could learn a lesson from those tiny little ants.

3) Our Greatest Gift is Time. I very much enjoyed the time I had with my husband the four (or so) years we were married before we had our children, and now that we have children, I am very grateful for the time we all get to spend as a family. I believe it is more important for Josh and I to “waste” a day by not being productive and instead invest time into our family than to “waste” our day away on a thousand never-ending projects. Yes- there is certainly a need to take care of business and be productive… but in our lives there will always be a car in the garage that could use some work… there will always be a pile of junk that could stand to be sorted and put away… there will always be more dishes to do… but our kids will not always be little. Our kids will not always want to hang out with mom and dad. Someday our kids will be grown and gone, and I do not plan on wasting what little time God has given me with them by always putting family time off for the sake of yet another project.

2) I married the best man I could have ever dreamed of! As children I think all of us women dream of what our husbands might be like someday. I know I did; I used to think about my life after I got married and what it might be like. I would imagine how many kids I might have and how many cats I would love… well, I don’t have myself a kitty right now, but Josh is so much more than I ever dreamed a husband could be. 1 Corinthians 2:9 says, “…No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him.”  I always thought this verse was talking about life after death, but now I think it could also refer to the incredible blessings God gives us right during this lifetime. I could have never conceived a wonderful man like Josh while dreaming as a child… and now I live with the man every day, and still sometimes have trouble conceiving why God would bless me with him in my life.

1) Contentedness is Learned. Oh, how I wish someday I could be like Paul when he said he had learned how to be content during the happiest stages of his life and also during the most trialing. I do not believe I can make that statement yet, but I have learned that contentedness is not a passing feeling that occurs when everything is going our way. In order to be content we have to consciously make the decision to be satisfied with every stage of our lives. I have learned that one way to learn contentedness is through practicing the art of gratitude. I feel much more satisfied with my life when I am tempted to drown myself with worry when I stop and give God thanks for everything that he has given me and my family. I thank him for being so much bigger than me and being able to see the larger picture that I might be temporarily blinded to… and though I am probably not as “good” as Paul, I believe I can say that I have started to learn how to be content in this life.

A New Kind of Blessing

A couple nights ago I was getting into bed. Micah had already been asleep for a couple of hours, and Lydia was down until her next feeding. While climbing in I felt an incredible surge of happiness, joy, and gratitude. For the first time in my life all the rooms in my house were filled with little children. My little children.

I am grateful for my babies. I am grateful for my babies in a way I never knew was possible before I had children.

Somebody asked me before I had Lydia if I was worried that I would love Micah less after I had her. It was a question I hadn't really considered, but with as much love as I already felt for the new little baby-to-be, I started to worry a little and was afraid Micah might get a bit neglected.

What an amazing thing God does to mothers!! God doesn't give us one serving of love that has to be divided up between our spouses, kids, other family members and friends... one dose of love to figure out how to distribute throughout our whole lives. No! He gives his love and somehow multiplies our own! I am so grateful for this.

Lately I have been asking myself how does anyone ever stop having children? How do we decide which is the last little life we are willing to bring into this world? How do we decide how many gifts and rewards are enough for us? (Psalm 127:3) I like Michelle Duggar and the fact that she and her husband are willing to have so many children. Do I think they're nuts? Absolutely!! But now that I have two babies of my own... two little souls to bring up in the way of the Lord... I can understand why they could never find the hearts to stop.

I love my babies. I love Micah now more than I knew was possible before I had Lydia. I can't wait until he's up and running around. I am looking forward to getting to see all the stages of his life seated in the front row. I am looking forward to seeing who my little daughter will turn into. She is such a happy little baby and has been smiling all day.

God is good. We never get too old for him to teach us new things, and he never stops amazing me.

Waiting For New Baby Part 2

When I read my last post, I picture some sort of super-human crazy lady, and I think, how can you be so calm! Don't worry folks, as the days have passed I have gotten more and more human and less and less patient.

I finally decided to get out of bed around 5:30 this morning. After tossing and turning about half an hour, I decided I shouldn't make it any harder for Josh to sleep. I took the four hours of sleep I managed to get and came downstairs and watched me some Turning Point on our laptop. I was able to get back to sleep around 7:00 this morning. I figured I'd get an hour's nap in before church.

Nope, Josh thought it would be helpful to turn off the alarm because I had such a hard time sleeping last night. It's past 10:30 and he's still snoozing away up there. That means a three hour nap for me, no church for us, and a bored wife trying to find something to do to pass the time! On with the blog post!

Eleven days ago my mom came down per my request to take Micah home with her. Little did she know that when she offered to come down and take him away that morning that I would talk to Josh immediately when he got up and get the okay from him for her to go ahead and do it!

At first I just LOVED having Micah gone. It's not very often that a stay at home mom ever gets to actually be home without her kids. I was NOT depressed, though some of what I did while he was first away might seem like the manic-form of a manically depressed person! Oh my goodness, did I clean! I had a three-page to-do list that I had formed and I got it all done. I did things that weren't even on my list- like clean all of the nasty keys on my piano.... I just LOVE cleaning! I love starting a cleaning project and not getting interrupted from it twenty times by a needy baby. I really enjoyed that first week of Micah being gone and waiting for New Baby...

But now all of the cleaning is done. Yesterday, I finally started to really begin to miss Micah, and when I was watching old videos of him this morning, I was really missing him!

I want to get this kid out! Micah's first birthday is in just four days, and I'm afraid I'm going to miss seeing him on it because I won't have gone into stupid labor! I know I could ask my mom to bring him back home any time and she would at the drop of the hat, but I don't really want him here. I miss him like crazy now, but it is still way too helpful having him gone. I don't have to haul his heavy butt up and down the stairs, and we don't have to worry about finding a sitter if the time ever DOES come for us to go to the hospital. (Plus, the house really does stay clean!)

But boy do I miss him. I want to hurry up and have this baby and almost all of my reasons are selfish! Maybe the only unselfish reason is because I feel so bad having Micah dumped on my mom for so long. I know she is enjoying her time with him, but let's face it. It is not easy adding a baby to your daily routine- even one as easy-going as Micah. It's not easy having him at work every day with you either.

But here are some of my selfish reasons:
1) I really want to meet this new baby! I am so excited to see her face- I can hardly stand it!
2) After laboring with no pain medication while on Pitocin when I had Micah, I do NOT want to go through the pain of being induced again!! I still want an un-medicated birth, but I know that, for me, that will not be possible while on Pitocin. (I did get the epidural for the pushing stage of Micah's birth.)
3) I am so sick of waiting! (What expectant mother isn't by and past her due date!?)
4) Oh, I want to see my Micah!! I don't want him home to have to care for before I have this new baby, so I want to hurry up and have her so that he can come home! Plus, I DON'T want to miss seeing him on his birthday.
5) The longer I wait to have this kid, the more days Josh will have to take off work. This past week he had TEN DAYS OFF in a row!! Well, he had to work one night in that run. Boy, wouldn't it have been convenient to have had this baby at the beginning of that stretch!? Well, he has to make up those days he was forced to take off, and that fun six nights of work in a row start this coming Wednesday. It is really going to suck if I go into labor Wednesday night and he has to take all those days off work. That is 72 hours. It will eat up any and all vacation he last left for this year... and it's only April!
6) I just can't wait to be able to sleep on my stomach again!

So there are my selfish, human reasons for wanting to hurry up and have this kid. I am sick of waiting. I am sick of trying to make myself enjoy my waiting. I am bored without Micah and with no cleaning to do. Okay, so there are more than six selfish reasons why I guess, but now you all know that I am no super-human who patiently endures!

When my friend, Felicia, found out I hadn't had any baby yet, she quoted me a scripture that I thought was pretty funny! "Surely I say unto you, ye shall be delivered!"

This verse made me laugh out loud and brightened my day a bit when she sent it to me, but it wasn't until now that I was looking up the scripture to post with this verse that I realized this verse is NOT in the Bible.

Great. What am I going to do now!?

Well, I guess no woman has ever just never had her baby. Some day soon it will be this baby's turn to be introduced to this beautiful world. She is such a stubborn little thing though, I hope she doesn't have to be forced to come out!!

Waiting For New Baby

Do you remember how agonizing waiting used to be when you were a kid? We were always waiting for something, weren't we? We were waiting until it was time to get up from our naps, waiting until we were old enough to go to school, waiting for school to get out at 3:00, waiting for the summer, waiting until we could graduate. I even had a hard time waiting until I got married!

One of the things I am extremely grateful to God for is the time he has given me to learn how to wait patiently. It was not an easy lesson to learn, and it took me over a year to understand what waiting patiently even meant... but now that I am farther along in my walk in this area than I was a few years ago, I think there is so much to be said about not only learning how to wait patiently, but also enjoying the seasons of waiting in our lives. When we live our whole lives thinking I can't wait until... you fill in the blank: how about I go on vacation... I get out of debt... I finally retire... when we go through our lives thinking this way we miss something so important. We miss today.

I think it's funny that God chose to tell us in His Word, "...do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matt. 6:34)

So I am not worrying about tomorrow. I am enjoying today. If you catch me on the wrong evening I will be saying how much I want this kid out of me! Those are nights when I'm throwing up like mad and my back hurts and my hips hurt and I'm having lots of practice contractions. I am human, and I do get sick of things in the present just like everybody else.

But most of the time these last few days before my new baby is born, you will find me enjoying myself. I am so thrilled to spend these last few days with my little Micah. He has grown up so fast, and this season in my life is almost over. Lord-willing I will never only have one child alive again, so I am cherishing every waking hour I have with just Micah. (I am also pregnant, so I am also really cherishing every non-waking hour with Micah!)

In the past few days I have made to-do list after to-do list and I finished another one off today. I already have around ten things lined up in my head that I want to put on my next to-do list, and I am so thankful to God that I still have the energy and motivation (most of the time) to keep marking things off.

Here is a gimps into my life:
Tonight I wanted to cross off the last item on my to-do list: ironing the curtains for New Baby's room. Josh had already set the ironing board up for me, something I always struggle with, so all I had to do was get out the iron and heat it up. Micah was already asleep. I turned on one of my favorite cds (Ray Boltz), took down the two curtains I wanted to iron and got to work. Ironing is great. There is instant gratification. I just loved getting to see the wrinkles press out of those curtains. The smell from the hot iron filled my bathroom and it made me never want to stop! I enjoyed everything about that measly, mundane task of ironing.

If we want to look at the every-glorious, seemingly always better "someday" that this world always seems to put on a pedestal, let me tell you how I see someday: Someday my babies will be grown and gone. I will not need to be ironing curtains for their bedrooms. Someday I may not be able to afford curtains for my child's bedroom. Someday I may no longer be able to physically complete the task of ironing. Someday I may no longer be able to see to watch those wrinkles fall out under the hot iron. And so while I'm ironing I am praising God. I am thanking him for the opportunity to get to iron those silly curtains. I am thanking him for the good night's rest he allowed me to get last night and the nap I got to sneak in with my husband this afternoon so that I had the energy to iron so late in the evening. (Oh yes, 9:00 is late!) I am thanking him for getting to text back and forth with my mom telling her how much fun I'm having ironing.  I am enjoying the way I am spending this particular 20 minutes in my life while I wait for New Baby to come.

So let me encourage you- if you find yourself always waiting for things in your life to get better, just stop it. They're not going to. Instead, I encourage you to look around you and find all of those wonderful things in your life that are going right RIGHT NOW and offer up some sacrifices of praise and gratitude for them. Our God is great and he cares about every flower he creates and every fly we want to smash. He cares about you too, and he wants you to enjoy whatever season he is bringing you through right now.

Hallelujah

Hallelujah 
1. An exclamation of praise to God
2. An expression of relief or a similar emotion
3. A shout of joy, praise, or gratitude

I had to steal a song and post idea from my mom because after reading her post here, I have played the song over and over, and Cohen's voice still almost gives me chills during a few of his verses! Here is the song if you'd like to listen: Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah.

I love the image he brings up of King David in his first verse. He talks about a baffled king composing hallelujah. Can you see it!? King David was a man after God's own heart, but what a screw up he was time and time again! I can see him... blindly rushing into some sin, realizing he's done wrong, tearing his clothes in remorse and falling to the ground in a desperate attempt to reach God. He knows he can't go on without him. His cry for forgiveness becomes his hallelujah, and he is baffled by how he got in this state again. How could he have let God down? Again.

Have you ever felt like King David? Have you ever felt like Paul when he said that he didn't really understand himself because he wants to do right but doesn't... can't. He wants to do what is good, but doesn't. He doesn't want to do what is wrong but he does it anyway... on and on he goes in a similar manner until verse 25 (see Romans 7: 15-25).

Leonard sings about cold and lonely hallelujahs. He sings of broken ones. He also sings about how God used to speak to him and how every single breath he and the Holy Spirit drew was hallelujah.

We've all experienced those times haven't we? Times of an intense closeness and awareness of God in our lives. We can't wake up in the morning without wanting to sing our praises in the form of hallelujah. We can't get close enough to God and our joy abounds.

We've also all had those times when God has been quite. He hasn't spoken to us in months, maybe years. We feel like we're falling apart inside when we desperately cry out to God with our very broken hallelujahs. Maybe he answers. Maybe he remains silent.

My encouragement to you is to continue singing your hallelujahs to God. No matter what form they escape your mouth in.

I've done my best, I know it wasn't much.... and even though it all went wrong I'll stand right here before the Lord of song with nothing... nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah!

Leonard has the right idea. Let's continue to praise God in the good times and the bad- when we screw up and when life is going good. Why? Romans 7:24-25a. "Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord!"

HALLELUJAH!

For Joshua

 

 Josh and I, Summer of 2007

I want to write a bit and brag about my wonderful husband...

...but I just don't know where to start!

In six months, Josh and I will have been married five years. I am so glad I knocked on Josh's door six years ago and made my declaration that he had tools... and then proceeded to ask him if he thought he could fix my pipes.

Lucky for him, the pipe to the sink in my apartment had sprung a bad leak. Lucky for me, Josh is a terrible plumber and had to come back to my house to fix the said pipe three different times.

Before this pipe problem, my interaction with Josh had been limited to an interview I administered about him being in the Air Force. (This was a project for school. I saw him walking by in the Christian Campus House one day. I stopped him and asked him if he was in the military because he looked like the kind of guy who would be into that sort of thing. He said he was and I proceeded to administer my interview.) Our next interaction was going to a missionary convention together. I sat in the front seat with him on the way there and apparently spilled some sort of food/beverage all over him (I forgot about this until he told me after we were married). Apparently, I went home and told my mom about the weird, "old" guy who had driven us... not knowing it would be my future husband. (I had forgotten this until my mom told me after we had gotten married too!) Our last meeting was when I was helping a group of people build a potato gun. We needed a tool for something and nobody had one. Somebody said, "Hey, Gerrels has a lot of tools, let's ask him." I volunteered. They told me where he lived and I knocked on his door the first time asking for a tool to build our potato gun.

It wasn't a week later I knocked on that same door and asked if he could fix my pipes. I really didn't know him from Adam. I did not remember that he was the guy I interviewed about being in the military or the guy I slopped food on on our way to a missionary convention. I just new he had some tools

I am so glad I have never been too shy to ask for a favor, because God has blessed me so incredibly, tremendously more than I could have ever hoped for by allowing me to meet and marry my Joshua.

Our first four years of marriage have not been without their ups and downs. We got married, bought a house, and moved in together. I started a new school. He started a new job. He got laid off from his job. I had to transfer schools. We lived in a camper for a few months until he started another new job; we moved to a new town, got foreclosed on our house, and got behind on a lot of our debt... all in our first year of marriage.

During our next two years of marriage Josh worked many many 12 hour days (with a 45 minute commute each way) almost seven days a week with no overtime. I graduated college with five universities on my transcript and had zero luck finding a job. We drudged through and sought medical attention for a myriad of bizarre health issues... seeing almost every specialist there is besides a geriatrics doctor. We tried desperately to get caught up on debt to no avail, and then Josh got laid off again.

So our fourth year of marriage we moved again. Josh has worked like a mad man again (this time getting paid overtime), and I can finally say that all the debt we got behind on while trying to keep our house before choosing to go through the foreclosure process is not only caught up, but completely gone!! When my student loans are gone, we will finally be able to do the Dave Ramsey, "We're debt free!!" scream! Also during this fourth year of marriage we decided to pop out our first kid, and we loved our first little boy so much that we decided to pop out another, and our little girl is expected to arrive in just over three months!

Josh works hard. He does not complain. I was so proud to learn this morning that at work last night (he is working overnight shifts for the next year.... he traded his day shifts with a guy who was wanting them who has young kids and a wife who was just diagnosed with cancer.) Anyway, I found out this morning that at work last night, Josh received a 5/5 on his annual review. At Boeing, a 5/5 is almost NEVER given. Once received, it stays on your permanent Boeing record and follows you throughout your company career. His manager said he was his favorite employee and that there are not any points that he could possibly improve on as he was already doing absolutely everything anybody could ever ask. His manager told him that he wants to see Josh as a manager... good thing too since Josh is starting his masters in management next month!

I am so proud that the people at Josh's work acknowledge him as the wonderful man I know he is. I asked Josh if he made his other coworkers mad by receiving a 5/5. He said that several of them had asked if he had gotten one because they thought he deserved one. Wow! To be praised by your managers and your co-workers! I am so proud of you, Joshua! (If you ever read this...)

Josh doesn't just get the prize at work. He gets the prize at home. Josh has always been willing to work... and has been so blessed to find work in this terrible job market. He found temporary employment when he was laid off and our savings had run out. He worked a seasonal job at Sears one year when we were tight on money around Christmas. He has worked over 600 hours of overtime this year alone so that we can someday do the Dave Ramsey debt free scream and also prepare for babies!

At home, Josh keeps our cars running so that we don't have to have any car payments. He's even rebuilt a transmission from scratch! He helps me cook, he cleans the kitchen without ever being asked. Our trash is always taken out. I never have to worry about that or even give it one thought. He keeps our cloth diapers washed and ready to use. He even CHANGES those diapers when he's at home! And I never... ever... hear the man complain.

There is only one complaint that I have about my husband... that when I stand next to him I feel so inadequate in his comparison... but I believe this is the way God wants us wives to feel about our husbands; I do respect him with everything I have. We may be joined together as one, but he is certainly my better half!

I love you, Josh!

A Baby Girl!

Oh, how excited I am to have found out today that Josh and I are expecting our first little girl in April! I thought our first little boy was going to be a girl, and I had a hard time believing what the ultrasound showed me a year ago. Today, I went into this ultrasound convinced I was having another boy because I have had one clone of a pregnancy: pretty much no sickness at all...

But again I was wrong... however, despite my inability to predict my own kids' sexes, I have now accepted the fact that this new little baby will be a girl, and this evening I broke out all the cute little dresses and outfits Josh had me start buying almost three years ago. We are set on Baby's wardrobe for the first year of her life (minus pajamas and tights).

I think I have the baby furniture all picked out as well. If I can get it, it is a beautiful white set from Treasure Rooms. Right now it is on back order and wouldn't come in for several months, but I might still change my mind.

One of the things I am most happy about having a girl for is the fact that little girls grow up, move away, and then come home. Little boys just grow up and move away.

I have every intention of making Micah's wife my "best friend." If she is covered with tattoos, and I really don't like what she stands for, I will still show interest in what she enjoys and love the dickens out of her. I know the key to seeing my son is my daughter in law's like or disdain of me.

But having a daughter is different. Usually little girls grow up and continue to go home. Girls grow up and get homesick. Girls call their mom's when they have babies of their own to ask how it was when they were babies. Girls want advice from their moms. Mom's get to help plan their daughters' weddings.... mother in laws don't (normally) get to do that!

So I am so happy that I am having this precious baby girl. I was not expecting to get to have one this (well, really next) year. I am so excited to plan how I'm going to decorate her room. I'm excited to pick out her bedding and paint her walls. I'm excited to put her wonderful little dresses on those tiny white hangers (the only clothing I fold are the pajamas).

And as for the name... well, everybody will just have to wait until she's born to be introduced to her officially, but I have had her name picked out since before Micah was born... though I'm a bit unsure on the middle name.

Thank you, Lord, for my precious baby girl! Thank you for letting her be healthy and strong! Thank you for all her bouncing activity! Thank you for the technology you've allowed us man to create so that we can know so far in advance what sex our little babies will be! Thank you for the joy that is surrounding this new little soul of yours. Hold her and keep her safe all the days of her life. Thank you for choosing and loving her and for choosing me to be her Mommy!