My Chidren Are Not My Own

Isn't it amazing to think about how our children are not our own?

You and I have very little control over what happens in our lives. Weather a person believes in God or not, it is God who allows them to be blessed and allows them to endure hardship. It is God who decides who has what children and who does not. Without God, man can do nothing.

Without my God I would not be alive. He knitted me together in my mother's womb (Psalm 139:13). Even before I was formed in the womb, it was the Lord who knew me and set me apart (Jeremiah 1:5). What choice did I have in being born? What choice did I have in the parents God gave me? I could not have made any of these things happen of my own accord.

In the same manner, my children did not have a choice in their creation. Josh and I did not have a choice in their creation either. Josh and I had no power over weather God would make us fertile or infertile. We had no choice over weather all of our children would miscarry or be carried full-term. We had no control over what sex children God would bless us with, and we have no control over how many children God will allow us to have.

God has entrusted Josh and I with His children- His creation for a short time on this earth. I did not know my children before they were born, but God did. I did not choose which children God would allow me to raise, but my Father chose; their Father chose.

I believe we all have two specific reasons we were put on this earth. To become like Christ and to win others for God's kingdom (1 Corinthians 11:1 and 1 Corinthians 9:22 respectively). This calling starts at home. 

It is my job to make sure my children meet, get to know, and love their real Heavenly Father, eventually even more than they love me. It is my job to make sure that my children understand that they are not of this world (John 15:19).

So I challenge you, readers, to imitate God so that He can be reflected in your lifestyle so that your children might be saved. You cannot imitate God if you do not spend time with him or read his word. You cannot imitate God if you do not obey him, and you cannot imitate God if you do not serve others.

Our children are not our own. It is our job to be good stewards of these precious little gifts God has given us and to encourage our children's growth in Him.

Dancing in the Rain

I have never liked the idea of dancing in the rain. It's one of the big things they do in movies when two people love each other... it is usually portrayed as romantic, fun, and a thing somebody does when they're free.

I have danced in the rain by myself and with my man. It is not fun. It's wet and cold. When I've done it I couldn't help but ask myself what in the world I thought I was doing frolicking around in the freezing, cold rain pretending I was having the time of my life.

But as much as I hate dancing in the rain, I want to teach that skill to my daughter. I want to teach that skill to my son.

We all have storms in our lives. Sometimes God puts them there. Sometimes we do, and sometimes Satan initiates them.

The first thing I want to do when I hear a storm coming is snuggle down under my covers and hide. I don't want the windows open. I don't want to hear it, and I don't want to see it. I want to hide from storms. And I CERTAINLY do not want to go outside and stand in the middle of one and dance.

How often do we try do that with the figurative storms in our lives? It is much easier to preoccupy our hearts and minds than to deal with the storms in our lives. It's nicer to pretend they don't exist.

I believe God wants us to figure out how to dance in the rain of the storms in our lives. I believe he wants us to go out in the pouring rain with lightening flashing and thunder rumbling and lift our eyes and hands towards Heaven and spin around giving him praise for ALL of the things he gives and allows. We should give thanks for the storms we hate that ultimately bring new growth in our lives.

So how do you teach this concept to children? How do you make them understand what I even mean? Am I setting a good example? Do I practice this art of dancing in the rain in the midst of my life's storms?

How often do we curse God for the rain and storms that come in our lives instead of giving Him thanks? This week I challenge you to spend some time in thanksgiving for even those things in life that you would rather do without. I challenge you to be that weirdo out spinning around in the rain having people look at you like you're nuts. You can do it because you ARE free. If you have excepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, then you ARE free to dance in the midst of life's storms. No matter what.

What Do I Stand For?

FUN. Some Nights

The video above is not by a Christian artist. There's even a bad word in it towards the end, but I have  fallen in love with this song and some of the spiritual principals it makes me think of. (The real music starts after the minute-long intro.)

The first thing I noticed when I watched this video is how that little guy on there dances around. That's how I think we should all dance in church. That's how my soul dances before the Lord every day. Why does our flesh always contain the joy our spirits feel? This little guy does a silly, ugly kind of dance, that if he were doing before the Lord would be beautiful in his eyes.

The second thing I noticed when I watched this video was passion. You can see it all over the singer's face. He means every word he  sings... and, once again, it's not always the prettiest expressions he gives off!

I love having those times of intense prayer when I do more than my duty of praying for everybody on my prayer list. I love those prayers of passion, and I have to think that God does too. It's during those prayers when we finally let all of our defenses down and show God who we really are. We do not hide the good, bad, or the ugly... because we are never fooling God about who we really are. Only ourselves.

The third thing I liked about this song were the lyrics. The first set of lyrics were, "What do I stand for? Most nights, I don't know."

What do YOU stand for? Do you stand up for Jesus Christ within the context of your family? Do you stand up for him at the grocery store, at church? What about when you look in the mirror?

The next set of lyrics are a bit longer. They go, "This is it, boys- this is war - what are we waiting for? Why don't we break the rules already? I was never one to believe the hype, save that for the black and white. I try twice as hard and I'm half as liked, but here they come again to jack my style."

This IS it, friends. This IS war. You and are I soldiers fighting in one spiritual battle after another. This war may seem like a myth to some people, but it is real. Earthly "rules" suggest that we shouldn't be fighting it- they try to convince us that it doesn't exist, and that worldly desires are more important to fight for during our lifetimes. We need to break those rules and put on the armor of God. "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:12

The fourth thing I liked about this song is that I can really grove to it. It gets stuck in my head for days, and each time I am reminded of the question: What do I stand for?

Treasures

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven....... For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.......No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."

Matthew 6:19-24

Treasure Defined

Noun

1)    Wealth and riches, usually hoarded

2)    Any thing or person greatly valued

Verb

1)    To retain carefully or keep in store

2)    To regard or treat as precious

3)    To put away for security or future use

So, everybody knows that God tells us not to store up for ourselves treasure on earth. I personally do not believe this means that God is against his people owning stuff… instead, I am learning that if we pay a great price for our stuff, our stuff begins to control us.

Our STUFF will control our emotions when we jump to anger any time our beloved STUFF is believed to have been damaged. It will steal our peace as we worry about the rust and moths and thieves that are sure to come during this lifetime. It will ruin our ability to be hospitable when our STUFF becomes more important than the people using it.

Consider the following personal examples.

I have bought very few new things for myself during my life. The short list includes my bedroom furniture, each of my children's bedroom furniture, and two rocking chairs.

I have always been the type of person who never really minded if a glass broke, a spill happened, or a stain set in. It just never mattered to me if STUFF didn't stay in perfect condition. I believe in living in my home, not treating it like a museum!

This has been an easy world-view for me to adopt since my house is decorated with furniture from resale shops, junktiques, and things that people have given me. I love it!

I DO believe in being good stewards of the things God has entrusted us with... my things are not riddled with filth or stains; I take care of them the best I can.

That being said, I do NOT believe in obsessing about my STUFF. If a spill happens, I just shrug it off. I know in my heart of hearts that it simply doesn't matter. It can be cleaned (and if a guest is present, it can usually be cleaned after they leave)... if a stain is left behind, it just doesn't matter. When you pay little to nothing for your belongings, it is very easy to let them go.

Oh, but I have been learning the meaning of, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth..."

The very same day Josh and I bought our brand new, expensive bedroom furniture; one of the dressers fell over in the moving truck and caused a huge dent. I was MAD. Mad at whoever secured the dresser in the first place and also mad at whoever was driving. My STUFF had gotten damaged.

A couple years after purchasing that same brand new, expensive bedroom furniture, our husky chewed up the bottoms of three of the four pieces in the set. I also noticed that the foot of the bed was all scratched up where our wiener dogs had made themselves at home jumping on and off our bed to be more comfortable. I was FURIOUS with those animals for ruining my STUFF.

Only a month or so after Micah was born I bought some scented oil for his room. I placed it on his dresser and the next week when I dusted his furniture all of the finish had been taken off of that brand new, expensive dresser where the oil had leaked through the jar I had decorated with. I was livid!

On the other hand, I have a piano that got all banged around when it was moved. I didn't care in the least. Micah has a toy box (my old toy box) that has been slammed shut and used as a crashing sight for his train, and it has never made me cringe. I have a leather couch that Tucker will tinkle on if company gets too loud, and he gets too worried. I have never gotten mad at him because of it (annoyed, maybe! but not mad)...

So, what’s the difference? In the stories where I was so angry about my STUFF getting ruined, my STUFF was more important to me than anything or anyone else at that time.

In the next three examples, my stuff was just not important because I hadn’t paid much for it. In those examples, the movers were more important than my used piano. I saw them straining to bring that heavy thing into my new house. They were trying their hardest to be careful, and I was genuinely just grateful that they had done such hard work for me, and not at all upset that a few bangs had happened in the process.

Micah's joy (and the joy of his little friends who slam the lid of his toy box closed) is more important to me than worrying if that old chest is going to get damaged or scratched. 

My wiener dog, and his worried little heart is more important to me than some old, stupid couch that can easily be cleaned, or just thrown away if it gets ruined.

I have been appalled in the past with my childish behavior regarding my stuff. I believe that Jesus told his disciples to go and preach the gospel without taking a “walking stick, traveler's bag, food, money, or even a change of clothes” because He knows what power our stuff can hold over our hearts. (Luke 9:3 NLT)

We cannot love both God and money. I believe this can easily be adapted to: we cannot love both God and STUFF.

Our Sin

This life is hard to live.

We are born into sin. It is our nature, and it’s our preference. Our sin is easy.

Last week, our preacher said that there was no sin so big that God couldn’t forgive it. I was unsettled, and I wanted to scream out, “You’re wrong!! My sin is bigger!”

And don’t we all feel like that some times? My sin is bigger because it is always there. Recurring, frequent, habitual sin. How can God forgive again? Why would he forgive again? How can he forgive if there was never any true repentance in the first place?

How many times have I flippantly ask God for forgiveness for one of my recurring sins? If I have not truly repented from my sin- I mean, truly turned away from it to never do that sin again… have I still been forgiven?

The easy answer is yes. The “Christian” answer is yes. But I’m writing this post, so obviously I’m still wondering.

God says, “I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!” Revelation 3:15-16

Am I lukewarm if I say I’m a Christian but have never truly repented of my sins? What about if I ask God for forgiveness because I really want His blessing on my life, but don’t really want to do my part to stop doing those sins I’ve come to enjoy?

I have said it before, but it’s worth mentioning again: I am like Paul when he said in Romans 7:14-25,

“…the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin.

I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.

And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.

I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong.

I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me."

I am still learning what God’s grace is all about, but I like this writing from Paul. It gives me hope that God can still love a flawed and sinful human such as myself. And I guess that is the definition of God’s grace: that He loves us anyway- even though we don’t deserve it- even though we can’t obtain it- even though we are still ruled by our own sin while we are still on this earth.

Thank you, God, for sending your son so that someday we might live with you forever in Heaven. You will be the ruler of all instead of our sin. I thank you for your sacrifice. I thank you for your patience. I thank you for your words of instruction, and I thank you for your revelation. You are good, kind, just, and holy.

Help me learn how to praise you and accept your forgiveness without guilt. It’s in your son, Jesus’, most precious name I pray, Amen!

Anna Vi Gerrels

I had a baby last week. She was small and innocent, but God's breath of life had been taken out of her. She was already home with our Heavenly Father, even before I got to meet her.

We named her Anna Vi.

I will miss her in so many ways. I will miss getting to feel her kick and grow inside of me. I will miss getting to see what color hair and eyes she had. I will miss getting to see what type of personality God blessed her with. I will miss getting to see the man she would have fallen in love with and gaining him as another son in our family. I will miss getting to see her as a mother. I will miss getting to have her as a friend.

But with all this sadness and earthly loss, I am also happy for my daughter. I am so happy that she is already face to face with the King of Kings. I am happy that she has been adopted by the Father of fathers. I am happy that she gets to miss out on the things her earthly parents would have done wrong. I am happy that she gets to miss out on the trials and pain of this world.

I thank the Lord that He has now blessed me with the ability to understand and comfort so many women who have lost little babies of their own. I thank Him that He saw Anna's unformed body and that  her days were ordained for her and written in God's book even before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:16)

Most of all, I thank the Lord for His wonderful peace that passes understanding- such a "church-y" phrase that has come to mean so much to me.

"Walking In the Light"

As I was on my way out of The Home Depot today, a man working there said the strangest words to me. He said, "You are walking in the light." I stepped towards him and said, "Excuse me?" With a smile the man repeated, "You are walking in the light."

What does this even mean!? How can this man even know that I'm a Christian? I had barely spoken to him earlier as I explained that I didn't need any help as another man had already pointed me in the direction I needed to go... and then as I passed him again on my way out the door he makes the strange comment.... I didn't know what to think.

But it's true. And that's what amazes me.

Lately my desire has no longer been to be a good person. My desire has not been to be a good wife or even good mother. I cannot do any of these things in my own power. I am just as human and just as flawed as everybody else in this world.

My desire is to know Jesus Christ. My desire is to have His will revealed to me and to live out the life He has planned for me. My desire is to know and love Christ with all of my heart, soul, and strength; enough so that I cannot tell His will from my own- that we operate as one.

Everyday now I engage in a personal one on one Bible study with my Lord. It is amazing the things He is revealing to me. Everyday I get to talk to Him makes me long to know Him more. I pray that He will lead my life and that He will give me just as much wisdom and discernment that I need to follow Him.

It was nice having a stranger notice something today that I have fervently been trying to do:

Walk in the light.